Out of all the films from the Michael Bay/Roland Emmerich library, this is one of the best. The plot to this is actually strikingly simple: aliens are invading Earth, and they are not friendly. People all across the world have … Continue reading Welcome to Earth! – Independence Day (1996)
Romanticism. So this is about a young woman who should have died in a car accident during the early 1900’s (Blake Lively). She crashed into a lake, her heart slowed to stop, and then she was struck by lightning. This … Continue reading Forever Young – The Age of Adaline (2015)
Time for an adventure. So this is about a band of four young boys in a small Oregon town. When rumors start to circulate about a dead body of a missing classmate just outside of town, they decide to make … Continue reading Finding the Body – Stand by Me (1986)
Pretty generic. Not to be confused with Lone Survivor or the reality television series, this is about a security specialist (Milla Jovovich) who is trying to foil international terrorists that specialize in biological warfare. She’s forced to go on the … Continue reading Bond vs. Alice – Survivor (2015)
You can’t stop Kevin James from making movies. Because the masses were clamoring for a sequel six years after the fact, everybody’s favorite mall cop is back, and he’s headed to Vegas. Of course given that this is a Paul Blart … Continue reading Revenge of the Segway Jokes – Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015)
The struggles of Vince Vaughn continue. So this is about a middle aged man (Vaughn) who decides to quit his business job to start his own company. Two other men (Tom Wilkinson, Dave Franco) happen to be walking out at … Continue reading The Handshake – Unfinished Business (2015)
Further uprising. So after the events in the first movie, the Divergents have been targeted by the government and are on the run. Tris (Shailene Woodley) and her small group of allies must figure out a way to thwart their … Continue reading The Midlevel Imitator – Insurgent (2015)
My favorite monster movie. So Rob (Michael Stahl-David) is leaving New York for a vice president position in Japan, and all of his friends are throwing him a going away party. Thing is, he has awful timing, as this is … Continue reading Monster in Manhattan – Cloverfield (2008)
Let’s go to camp. So a bro (Alec Owen) gets murdered. His twin brother wants revenge. He has to infiltrate the ranks of a fraternity to gather intel with the intention of taking down his brother’s murderer: the serial killer known … Continue reading Sizzler? – Dude Bro Party Massacre III (2015)
Stay out of the water. As the Fourth of July weekend approaches, a small New England island town is terrorized by a great white shark. It’s up to a police chief, an oceanographer and a shark hunter to come together and … Continue reading Bigger Boats Needed – Jaws (1975)
Critic for Hire 