Time to get messy. So this is about a tennis star turned coach due to injury (Zendaya). Two friends who are also tennis players (Mike Faist, Josh O’Connor) both have the hots for her, and they let her get in … Continue reading 30-Love – Challengers (2024)
What a wonderful day (to have a new Apes movie)! So generations have passed since Caesar. The time of man is coming to a close, and the time of ape is thriving. This is about a young ape named Noa … Continue reading Welcome Back – Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024)
For better or worse, it’s a buffet. So this is about a seasoned stuntman (Ryan Gosling). Due to an injury, he has been out of the game for some time, and he takes a job with the hope of rekindling … Continue reading Stunts! – The Fall Guy (2024)
Putting on the show. So this is about a small-town girl named Ali (Christina Aguilera). She comes to Los Angeles with a little bit of money and some dreams, and it isn’t long before she becomes enamored with a Burlesque … Continue reading Iowa Goes to L.A. – Burlesque (2010)
Writer’s note: If you can somehow watch this completely cold, that is the way to go. The short of it is that the trailer and marketing give away too much, and I’ll discuss that further in this review. I’m giving … Continue reading Hold Me Closer Tiny Dancer – Abigail (2024)
Ogres are like onions. So this is about an ogre named Shrek (Mike Myers). He only wants to be left alone in his swamp, so, naturally, he can seldom find a moment of peace and solitude from the outside world. … Continue reading All Star – Shrek (2001)
Out for vengeance. So this is about a young man (Dev Patel) who fights in a monkey mask in an underground boxing club in India. He’s incentivized by extra cash to lose, but he has his sights on something worth … Continue reading Release the Beast – Monkey Man (2024)
Suffering is love. So this is about a young woman named Cecilia (Sydney Sweeney) who travels from the United States to Italy to take her vows and become a nun. Nothing weird about that, right? Well, this is a convent … Continue reading Dark Convent – Immaculate (2024)
Divided we fall. So in the near future, the United States has been politically fractured and has entered into a civil war. The end may be in sight, and rebel forces are close to descending on the White House. This … Continue reading The Road to D.C. – Civil War (2024)
Almost paradise. So this is about an ex-UFC fighter (Jake Gyllenhaal). He doesn’t have a lot going on in his life at the current moment, so he takes a security job at a dive bar in the Florida Keys. Little … Continue reading Toughest Guy in the Bar – Road House (2024)
Critic for Hire 