Racers race. Based on a true story, this is about an adventure racer who is past his prime (Mark Wahlberg). If you’re unfamiliar with what adventure racing is, it’s like a competitive team triathlon, but you get to choose your … Continue reading Underdogs – Arthur the King (2024)
Tearin’ up the world. So, in the wake of the previous movie, Godzilla and King Kong have gone their separate ways. Kong has gone to Hollow Earth beneath the Earth’s surface, while Godzilla holds things down topside if and when … Continue reading The Next Rumble – Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
Making the power play. So Damien (Sam Neill) is all grown up now. He’s to become the new U.S. Ambassador to the United Kingdom, just like his adoptive father all those years ago. There are tales of the second coming … Continue reading Seven Knives for Seven Monk Assassins – The Final Conflict (1981)
Staying up with the Night Owls. So this is about a late-night talk show that is hosted by Jack Delroy (David Dastmalchian). He’s been chasing Johnny Carson in the ratings ever since he landed the show, and he needs a … Continue reading Halloween ’77 – Late Night with the Devil (2023)
Bustin’ should make you feel better than this. So, an ancient artifact has surfaced, and if its contained evil gets out, it would mean a second ice age for the world. I suppose it’s more of a matter of “when” … Continue reading Getting Colder – Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire (2024)
Get pumped. So this is about a gym manager named Lou (Kristen Stewart). A bodybuilder named Jackie (Katy O’Brian) is passing through town, and they just so happen to cross paths. They hit it off, but this isn’t a fairytale … Continue reading Got the Juice – Love Lies Bleeding (2024)
Into the world. So everybody knows the story: a child gets locked in a tower where she grows long and beautiful hair. This is Disney’s spin on that classic fairytale. Now I only saw this the one time back in … Continue reading Let Down Your Hair – Tangled (2010)
They grow up so fast. So Damien (Jonathan Scott-Taylor) is back. His immediate family have all passed, so he goes to live with his uncle (William Holden). Forces are at work to teach him about his dark destiny, so he … Continue reading Adolescent Times – Damien: Omen II (1978)
Chauncey’s always hungry. So this is about a children’s author (DeWanda Wise). She returns to live in her childhood home with her family. When the younger daughter (Pyper Braun) starts to interact with an imaginary friend, it surely must be … Continue reading Bear with Me – Imaginary (2024)
Art and white lies. So this is about an intern in the art world (Camila Mendes). She is off to London so her employer (Marisa Tomei) can have another body to boss and bully around, and because she is treated … Continue reading Let Me Upgrade You – Upgraded (2024)
Critic for Hire 