#StopMarlonWayans – Fifty Shades of Black (2016)

No redeeming qualities.  Obviously a parody of Fifty Shades of Grey, this is about a plain college student (Kali Hawk) entering a relationship with wealthy businessman (Marlon Wayans) that she quickly learns engages in some sordid sexual practices.  Hilarity ensues (but not really).  To every Yin, there must be a Yang, and I believe that if you don’t take the time to brave and witness the truly dreadful that Hollywood has to offer, you will be less likely to fully appreciate a great movie.  Also, in addition to that, I want to be able to make a respectable worst of list for the year, which is the entire reason why I chose to watch Fifty Shades of Black.  I’ve got to say: Marlon Wayans has finally done it.  He has put together a movie that actually manages to make the awful original movie that was ripe for parody look desirable by comparison.  Honestly, it couldn’t be all that hard to put together a movie that successfully pokes fun at this silly pop culture phenomenon, but he manages to fail at every single moment in this 90-minute so called spoof.

2It’s really that bad.

This movie doesn’t do anybody any favors, and it unfortunately ends up being one of Florence Henderson’s final roles on film for a really limp Graduate reference.  And everything here is just a lame, underwritten gag that doesn’t hit, drenched with buffoonery at every single turn.  It is devoid of actual jokes, and this is a movie that doesn’t just pick low hanging fruit, it digs up buried and dead fruit up from underground.  All of the jokes are telegraphed, and it either manages to be a bit without a punch line or a random cutaway non sequitur, like “oh yeah, I remember when Kim Kardashian had that photo shoot”.  At this point, I’ve reviewed so many of these parody movies (some of which he has previously had involvement in) that they all just blur together.  From A Haunted House 2 to Superfast!, almost all of them are brain-dead, and they are comedies in name only.  This is not an exception to the rule, and I have no idea why you would even take the time with this, unless you’re a masochistic movie reviewer that watches everything like me.

FSOB_11277Only about 3 years too late for a random Magic Mike parody cutaway.

This really is so racially offensive that Wayans manages to set his entire race back by a couple of decades, and I am not just saying that for dramatic effect.  There’s an entire bit about whips that he chooses from famous slavery movies, and it isn’t funny or clever, it is just sad and filled with cringes.  The movie as a whole is flabbergasting, gross, homophobic and tactless, there’s something here that will offend every single race and creed.  The most disappointing part is that I know this man has talent and I’ve seen him act well in projects before, so it makes it all the more depressing that he spends his days making terrible trash like this.

Fifty Shades of Black (2016) 1/2

– Critic for Hire


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