Orcfest – Warcraft: The Beginning (2016)

Eh.  So based on the sensational online gaming phenomenon, we finally have a World of Warcraft movie.  Orcs come to a human occupied planet because there previous home was dying, but humans aren’t about to roll over and hand their world over on a silver platter.  Can a few choice leaders from either side come together to identify the true evil in this war?  So I want to start off by saying that I have never played the video game World of Warcraft.  I know of its existence, and I know of its reputation of being exorbitantly time consuming (from what I hear, the episode where South Park tackles the subject isn’t all that far off for some), so I never opted to take the plunge.  While I can’t speak for the game, I can for the movie, and this is like playing Dungeons and Dragons with a terrible dungeon master.

2Bad storytelling spell attack (+5).

Believe it or not, I actually held onto a glimmer of hope for this, and that has everything to do with the fact that this has Duncan Jones helming the ship.  He is the son of David Bowie, and his movies thus far have been terrific pieces of science fiction.  I highly recommend that you check out Moon and Source Code and stay as far away as you can from this turkey.  It all comes back to the story, and it is very uninteresting and standard.  This movie is like a cross between Lord of the Rings and Avatar, which may sound great on paper, at least from a money making standpoint, but nobody cared about this, and it’s not like there is rich source material to pull from.  My attention kept waning in and out as this went on, and while it did pull me back with the orcs struggle for power, it kept losing me when the humans are present, which is for most of the movie.

1This is rated waaaay higher on IMDb than I expected, so maybe it’s just me.

Duncan Jones is still good in my book, because this has the feel of a studio film through and through.  The make-up and CGI effects at least look decent, but that’s me going out of my way to try and find something nice to say here.  It is cookie cutter and bland, and there was just not a single iota of an original concept.  It pulls bits and pieces from so many different and far better movies out there.  Something that I think would have greatly benefited this would have been if there was any comedic relief whatsoever; everybody in this is playing their parts completely seriously, and I might have been able to connect more if somebody were to crack a joke or even a smile, for that matter.  As it stands, this is a bad movie that I cannot recommend to really anyone, even fans of the game.

Warcraft: The Beginning (2016) *1/2

– Critic for Hire


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