CGI Fest – Gods of Egypt (2016)

Unintentional hilarity.  So in ancient Egyptian times, the gods walked upon men.  This is about a mortal named Bek (Brenton Thwaites), teaming up with the god of the sky, Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), to take back the throne from Set (Gerard Butler), an evil god that is set on domination.  I was well warned about this, and I was told that this could possibly breach the realm of “so bad it’s good”.  All the signs are there, and this is yet another attempt made by Hollywood to white wash Egypt.  While I would argue against this being a movie that’s worthy of your time, I will at the very least say that it never stopped entertaining in a very clumsy fashion.

2GIANT COBRAS, ZOMG.

Now this had a reported budget of $140 million, but I’m not certain where the money went, because everything about this looks cheap.  There’s green screen and cheesy CGI effects all over the place.  You know what this is the equivalent of?  It’s like the History channel’s answer for Syfy original movies during Egypt week…  not that I am saying that this movie is historically accurate enough to be featured on the History channel, because that is a sentiment that has never been uttered by anyone.  There is not really much of a script to speak of, and so much of this is written to just get to the next giant CGI scene, and it always feels like you are looking at a special effect.  Also, forget about any sense of pathos, because all the action plays like video game cut scenes, which is kind of a put down to video game cut scenes.  The craziest thing about this to me is that this comes from cherished director Alex Proyas.  While I still have yet to see his two most beloved film (The Crow, Dark City) I have seen his two most recent movies (this and Knowing)… which is unfortunate for me.

1Thus proving that you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

While I can’t recommend this, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy myself while watching this.  It’s always laughable, audacious and nobody walks away from this looking good.  Even Chadwick Boseman, somebody who has consistently impressed me with his acting endeavors, he ends up looking like it is his first day on a movie set.  It is totally a studio film, and a bad one at that, and it is always as cheesy as can be.  You can watch this ironically and have a good time with it, but I can’t in my right mind recommend it without the aid of a beer or seven.

Gods of Egypt (2016) *

– Critic for Hire

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